“My life’s completely changed!”

My biggest problem stage was actually prior to the split. I was referred to Adele who recommended The Clearing – a process that would give me the objectivity to make the decision to leave my ex. I had struggled with the decision for years and had been living in a dis-empowering relationship for so long I had conditioned myself into normalising a horrible situation. My biggest struggle was seeing that there was more and that I deserved more than a partner who resented me. Reaching the realisation that I was happier alone and understanding the mechanisms that kept me stuck in the relationship were massive breakthroughs for me. We initially went to couples therapy 18 months in to the relationship. Our power dynamic was misdiagnosed and the treatment we were given actually made our situation worse. I continued to approach the same therapist every few years for help but as he had misunderstood us from the very beginning I just kept getting incorrect advice. The therapist also didn’t appear to have read his case notes before he saw us and didn’t link the context between sessions. The sessions would end without resolution and I would just blame myself for the relationship and dive back in and try harder to make things work. Last year I decided to approach a different therapist through an App called talk space – I was overwhelmed with stress in every area of my life. I used the platform because it was fast and could match me with someone quickly. I got connected to a Gay therapist called Sal who was great, really warm and supportive and with his fresh eyes on our relationship, I started to see how bad things were. Because Sal was an online only therapist based in the US and we just communicated via chats and video calls I could feel that while he was helping he couldn’t read all the non verbal cues and we didn’t necessarily get to the depth of Discussion that I needed. Sal helped me start the process of leaving but without realising there was a power dynamic at play in the relationship he also unknowingly encouraged me to act in a way that was actually super enticing to my ex and caused the most epic of love bomb situations which got me stuck in our cycle for a final time. A close friend finally referred me to Adele and the cycle was broken. The Clearing was the first time I realised my relationship had a very strong and unspoken power dynamic. It was the first time I acknowledged how toxic and how painful my relationship had been. I realised I had a pattern of dating men who were unkind and verbally or psychologically controlling. The Clearing got me out of over a decade of suffering. Not only that, it started the process of reacquainting me with my inner values and self honour. Without any exaggeration I got more out of The Clearing in 4 days than I did from over a year of conventional therapy. I started the clearing feeling broken and in unbelievable emotional pain and I finished it resolute with my shoulders back and head held high. At the end of the Clearing process I suddenly realised how incredible my life was going to be. I started The Naked Divorce very quickly after my breakup. I feel the process short circuited a lot of wasted energy and pain and got my back on my feet in double quick time. The process gave me something to lean on and most people around me had no idea I was going through a divorce. As a gay man completing the Men’s programme obviously the whole programme is written assuming the ex partner is female so female pronouns are used throughout. This didn’t affect my learning and I see straight and gay long term relationships as the same so was happy to dealt with as equivalent. That said I think a gay programme with male pronouns or gender neutral ones would be a really nice touch if you are seeing more gay clients. That said when I was processing my divorce, the correct pronoun use isn’t really a top priority and I was far more focused on the content and I was quite happy for my ex to be called a “she” – added a bit of humour. Since the naked divorce I’ve addressed my home, my appearance, put a huge amount of work in to my business strategy and I’m going to look at my finances and also my extra-curricular activities outside of work to get better balance in my life and really focus for the first time as an adult on building amazing friendships and surrounding myself with Positive inspiring humans. Overall, I was extremely satisfied with the whole programme. I was happily surprised at the quality of it all! I would 110% recommend this to anyone who is willing to help themselves during times of emotional distress. Life saver!

Jonathan, CEO, Singapore
← Back to Case Studies