I think it’s important to have constructive and pragmatic tools you can both use to move your relationship to a great place. You will find that I work very differently to most therapists as I believe that a successful relationship is based on a formula and I teach this formula to all my clients. I work like a coach and I lead sessions in very proactive way with clear topics. My approach is not at all like talking therapy where the therapist largely says very little and the couple figure out the direction they want to go. I lead and have a very clear path as I figure that someone in the equation needs to mediate everyone else out of where they are at. My approach is very goal-oriented and each session covers specific topics so I can teach you both the principles to reset the context of your relationship.
SO it’s kind of like Relationship School. This might sound strange at this stage of life but each session will feel like learning brand new skills and techniques so calling it a school is probably the best description.
AND like School, the success of this hinges on your engagement and quality of homework done between sessions. If you work hard = you will thrive and succeed.
I will be teaching you my formula and it looks something like this:
A successful marriage =
STEP 1
Setting a new context for the relationship moving forward with new ground rules – how to shift the environment
STEP 2
New relationship agreements and the Relationship Manifesto
STEP 3
Learning about the Human Needs – here we will work alongside the Ultimate Relationship Programme using couple videos so we can learn the techniques and ideals behind this. I also combine human needs with love languages as this is a more powerful way of teaching the human needs and making a lasting change in your marriage.
STEP 4
Mastering the Relationship Formula which is a series of topics and breakthroughs to be had.
Sum of (Partnership at the centre of the relationship + Spending nice times together + Balancing (Love Languages, 6 Human Needs + Maintenance of Polarity + Great Sexual chemistry + Mastery of Influence + Fuser/Isolator energy) + Learning communication strategies (Fighting Right/Negotiating + Removing Meanings + Emotionally honest communications)
– LESS the Sum of (5 R’s + Punishments + Stonewalling + Triggers + Avoidance strategies + Ineffective strategies + Ignoring human needs and love languages + Bad memories together + Flooding + Harsh Startups)
So basically we increase the positive stuff and decrease the negative stuff and my coaching will teach you each of these topics within this formula in a kind of curriculum. I believe the context is decisive, so I start with shifting the environment of the relationship to being something that is more positive before we tackle anything too painful. This is key to produce the stamina needed to hold the course.
The topics we go through are below. The order is dependent on what I see in our first session are the most important aspects to rectify:
The Topics
Human Needs
The fundamentals to make a relationship work
Setting up the environment and structure for a great relationship
Love Languages, unconscious punishments and their implications
The 6 human needs
Triggers, rules for the relationship, red lines
Fusing and Isolating
The 5 R’s, Emotionally Honest Communications
Meanings and the Meta Model
Principles of communication within a relationship
Problem solving/ negotiating and Fighting Right (in 3 parts)
Setting boundaries in relationships
Masculine and Feminine – Polarity and the art of leaning in
Influence
Dealing with the past hurts which are hanging over the relationship and putting them properly into the past
Punishments, stonewalling and avoidance strategies
Coaching Topics We Cover
The Mission
As individuals you will understand who you are, your mission/values/ guiding principles and honour code.
What are your needs? Discover your personas and due dilligence checklist for your life and relationships. Figure out how to get your needs met in the relationship.
You will understand your partner better and what their needs are and how to make each other happy.
The fundamentals to make a relationship work and setting up a structure for a great relationship.
You will learn about Love Languages, triggers, unconscious punishments and set up brand new rules for a new relationship.
You will learn about Fusing and Isolating, become masters of the the 5 R’s as well as Emotionally Honest Communications.
You will stop having a filter through which you see your partner, so you can feel new again.
You will learn the principles of communication and fighting right within a relationship as well as how to get unstuck unstuck at any time.
You will deal with past hurts and establish healthy boundaries in relationships.
You will learn all about maintaining healthy dance of polarity between Masculine and Feminine .
DURATION
I design the programme around what the couple need to achieve based on an initial assessment.
INVESTMENT
I recommend committing to weekly work. If anyone also needs individual work, that can be factored in as well.
All programmes include email support in-between.
I work fast and focus on results. I believe in homework and accountability and will project manage the two of you through this BUT I need to know you are both 100% engaged and working hard on doing the work I assign. You will both need to agree to be totally engaged in the journey.
As this is more ‘coaching’ and ‘facilitating’ than traditional therapy, we shall just call it coaching.
What's Included?
My curriculum
Email support in-between sessions
A reading list for important self-study
Homework for both of you as well as for anyone individually if I deem that necessary
