How to turn your marriage around in just 2 days
A provocative title indeed. Could be triggering, especially if you are feeling brittle and war-wounded from doing battle with your spouse. Perhaps you are feeling upset and alone in your marriage, misunderstood by your partner or fighting so much that you have lost your connection. Weariness and scepticism is understandable. I hear you scoff: ‘If I cannot even talk to my husband, what on earth makes this lady think she can turn things around in just 2 days?’
The danger of complacency
I have bad news…
If you already feel repressed in your marriage or if your marriage has already wandered into the territory of resentment then you are in more trouble than you know.
What people don’t realise when they get married is that they enter into a sacred contract which is way more fragile than the protection we believe that contract gives us. Whilst standing at the altar vowing ‘till death us do part’, we believe we are given some kind of invisible Secure Marriage cloak which means we can bring our shitty selves to our relationship and our partner needs to put up with it. In today’s fast paced world, statistics show that people are not putting up with it anymore. Our universal sense of entitlement when it comes to happiness and fulfilment means we draw the line of tolerance much quicker than our forefathers did.
Marriage has become fragile. If found to be unfulfilling, the contract is easily ended and partners are easily replaced. People are not very good at avoiding divorce.
As a divorce expert, I have worked with over 2000 people to learn the 22 critical vulnerabilities and turning points in a marriage that move a relationship from a place of happiness and fulfilment to the no-man’s land of divorce. We focus on showing people how to not get divorced. Stopping those vulnerabilities in their tracks and making your marriage immune to those influences is vital to longevity.
Is my marriage in trouble?
If you answer YES to more than 3 of these crises areas below, then it may already be too late for your relationship:
- My partner and I are not on the same page. Tension is high and we struggle to communicate or maintain a bond with each other
- We have not had sex in a long time
- I am resisting getting help in the false hope that over time things will calm down and the invisible Secure Marriage cloak will prevail
- I am hiding behind my kids and their needs
- I am throwing yourself into my work/ friends/ hobbies
- I find yourself running away from home a lot
- I check out or day-dream about being single and imagine finding the perfect partner who will rush in and save me from this situation
- I resent my partner. I cannot believe this is how things turned out
- I feel jealous of other people’s marriages. Why can’t my partner be more like xxx or yyy?
- I continue maintaining a façade of a happy marriage to the outside world
So what do I do to stop divorce?
If you answered YES to more than 3 Marriage Crises Areas then you need to take action to save your marriage. The sad thing is you probably won’t. Only 4 people reading this article will actually do something about it. This is because of 3 key reasons:
- You believe that the invisible Secure Marriage cloak is real. Your partner will never leave and things will get better one day on their own when your partner stops being selfish and apologises.
Wrong. There is no Secure Marriage cloak. Just like there are no unicorns, Santa doesn’t exist and the tooth fairy isn’t coming. Your relationship has already gone over the tipping point and set sail on the Divorce Cruise.
2) I am not giving in and being the weak one.
Excellent. You definitely don’t want to be caught being weak or giving in. Better to be right and blame your partner for everything that is happening whilst you sit on your high horse and wait. I am sure they will realise the error of their ways in time.
I am being intentionally facetious because there is no space for self-righteousness in a successful relationship. You need to let that go if you want to grow old with someone by your side.
3) The risk of anyone finding out our Marriage façade is a lie is too much to bear: people knowing we might help or are engaging in couples counselling is worse than us not getting the help we need
People cannot stand admitting that they need relationship guidance or relationship support. This is why Viagra is rarely sold over the counter in a pharmacy because people would rather be flaccid than be caught with a bottle in their hands. Admitting to others that your marriage may not be a happy one is likened to declaring yourself radioactive
To turn a relationship around you need
1: Total dedication and commitment.
A marriage in crisis is like a ship which has ground to a halt. To start up the ship again you need an incredible amount of focused effort and dedication. You need to work hard in the engine room and stay below deck until the ship starts moving again
2: Owning your own shit.
Don’t sit on your high horse and point fingers. You need to be willing to be vulnerable and to admit your own shortcomings and mistakes. If your partner is not responding the way you think they ought to, then you have something to do with their reaction to you
3: Willingness to be a student and to learn.
Be interested in learning new things and commit to the journey of learning something new
4: You need to kick start the work in a 2-day INTENSIVE.
Ever notice how when you focus on something with intention and full concentration, it gets done quicker? This is why intense trainings over a few days are more effective than distance learning over six months. When you take your time, sometimes you focus on the subject and sometimes you don’t, so ultimately getting the work done takes longer. Watch this video below where I share what we accomplished in just 2 days
How to save a marriage: The Spark Experience in Singapore. from Adele Theron on Vimeo.
5: You need a 4-month Marriage Bootcamp to turn things around and create a new track record.
There is a Marriage formula with 32 component to it which guarantees a successful relationship. Learning this requires discipline and commitment but the key to success is experiencing a track record of success
It can be done and we are doing it within the Spark Marriage program. The key is: Don’t quit. Finding your soulmate isn’t easy. When you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you don’t give up on yourself or on them. You fight your way back to each other.
In our Marriage program, Spark, we have a 2-day Intensive Relationship retreat upfront followed by a 4 month remote program to reprogram your marriage from the ground-up. There are no shortcuts.
So, this Christmas, give yourself the gift of a new marriage and take advantage of our special offer.
“If you take healing steps daily, your healing will be faster than if you took those steps weekly or monthly. Miraculous healing happens with courageous action”