Are people putting too much effort into saving relationships when they should really be breaking up and moving on? So I've received a question on our website, and I wanted to answer it. It's a really good question actually. https://youtu.be/vL1O4t5IOTo The following text is a direct transcription from the video In my opinion, people give up too quickly, and I think this is just what has happened in our modern day and age. People are kind of getting into the habit...
The best things anybody ever said about 'love'… Courtesy of our friends at HAI
How did you picture relationships when you were a kid? Did you imagine the fairy tale of falling in love, making a commitment and living happily ever after? If so, join the club. Disney has a lot to answer for when it comes to preparing kids for real life. Stories about falling in love always end with "I do" - but we all know that's where the hard work begins. Relationships need nurture and care; not just in the first flush of romance, when you're falling in love, or on your honeymoon. Forever. Relationships are hard work,...
I talk a lot about healing from the trauma of a failed marriage, or from the painful things that you and your partner have said and done to each other in the past. But you know what no one can heal from? Injuries that are currently being inflicted on you. Wounds that have salt pouring into them, right now. If you or your partner is suffering from a serious addiction, you need to address this before you can start to heal at all. That’s because, until the addiction is brought back under control, frankly you might as...
Learn how to fight the right way and avoid conflict with a new partner Guess what? International Pillow Fight Day takes place this month (yes, there really is a day for everything, folks!). And, while it might sound daft, there’s nothing like a light hearted playfight with your other half to let off steam, behave like big kids and descend into giggles together, whether that’s fighting with pillows, chasing each other with dishcloths or racing each other down the street. In fact, in the early stages of a relationship, when the physical stuff...
Okay, we’ve now talked about how your relationship dynamic affects your basic needs to feel safe and secure Part One and your psychological need to feel loved and valued Part Two. But what about the top of the pyramid: self-fulfilment? Self-fulfilment In the grand scheme of things, at least for people from most walks of life, the chance to feel ‘fulfilled’ is a pretty new idea. In the past, a lot of couples would largely have settled for security, fidelity and companionship. But in the last 50 years or so, all...
In part 1 of this series, I talked about how all humans have a basic need to feel safe and secure, and how to make sure that you offer that to your partner in ways that are healthy and not controlling or counterproductive. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. Or, in Maslovian terms, the base of the pyramid. To recap, this is Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs: Okay, now let’s move on… Psychological needs. The...
They take no notice of me. They don’t support me or show any interest in my job, or my passions, or my interests. They don’t listen. They seem bored when we’re together. I don’t feel they’re proud to be with me. They don’t call or text to see how I’m doing. They’re always too busy to talk. I feel I’m last on their list of priorities. It’s like we’re not even a couple. I feel suffocated. They won’t let me breathe I feel suffocated. They won’t let me breathe. They’re jealous. They want to know where I am...
The most important place to start is to ensure that you’ve made a big, clear, wide-open space in which to create your dream relationship blueprint. That work is the work that takes the courage to heal ethically, to find the sources of your previous relationship’s break-up or divorce. Clearing So you’ve created a wide-open space – think of it like a clearing in wood or forest, or a blank canvas for an artist to begin to paint. It’s calling for something new to be created there. Now pick up your journal and answer these questions:...
How to turn your marriage around in just 2 days A provocative title indeed. Could be triggering, especially if you are feeling brittle and war-wounded from doing battle with your spouse. Perhaps you are feeling upset and alone in your marriage, misunderstood by your partner or fighting so much that you have lost your connection. Weariness and scepticism is understandable. I hear you scoff: ‘If I cannot even talk to my husband, what on earth makes this lady think she can turn things around in just 2 days?’ The danger of complacency I have bad news…...